


How To Train Your Queensguard

by gallantrejoinder



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, Future Fic, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-04-25
Packaged: 2017-12-09 11:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallantrejoinder/pseuds/gallantrejoinder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's tough, being Queen in the North, but creating a functional queensguard may be the toughest challenge Sansa will ever face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Train Your Queensguard

**Author's Note:**

> Ines and I got talking about the most ragtag of queensguards, and then she drew art, and I really didn't have much choice!

Sansa thanks the gods for her handmaiden.

If it weren’t for young Alys, she’d never have gotten any sense out of the whole of them. What with all the bickering and petty arguments, she sometimes can’t believe her own queensguard is a functioning unit at all. Of course, she knows that were her life in danger they would work together in a heartbeat, but she can hardly be expected to remain constantly under threat for them to work together.

She heard people in the Great Hall snickering when she dragged them all back from the training yard, tails hanging between their legs. Unfortunately, she didn’t get a word out of them that wasn’t contradicted by another, (though she was inclined to take Lady Brienne’s word when she said that Princess Arya was the instigator, but that Sandor had been the one to refuse to answer her queries – which was the precursor to the fight that led to Arya’s black eye and Sandor’s increased limp.)

Luckily, as it turns out, young Alys was there to witness, and if it weren’t so concerning to Sansa that her own queensguard was so unruly, she would laugh at the utter ridiculousness of it all. From what Sansa can gather from her nervous but gossipy stripling of a maid, the facts are these:

Alys was watching the young men in the training yard practise (for entirely innocent reasons, she assures Sansa.) Princess Arya entered the training yard to find Ser Sandor and Ser Jaime already practising, with Lady Brienne watching from the side. Princess Arya demanded to fight against Sandor, and Ser Jaime put up his sword, claiming exhaustion. (Lady Brienne was seen to roll her eyes.)

Sandor laughed and said that he would fight ‘the wolf bitch’ at any given time. (Alys insists, with wide eyes, that this is _Ser Sandor’s_ language, not her own, and it shames her to speak it.) Princess Arya said something that Alys _dare_ not speak, and then they bickered for several minutes, about various things which seemed to mostly centre around, firstly, who was the better swordsman and secondly, over Ser Sandor’s conduct regarding Queen Sansa – “begging your pardon, your grace.” 

Alys moved closer to hear, when she noticed Ser Jaime asking around for bets about who would win a fight between the two. Lady Brienne was _most_ anxious about the proceedings, and was seen to smack Ser Jaime soundly across the back of the head. This in turn prompted the surrounding lads to laugh, and Ser Jaime picked up his sword and began to attempt to fight Lady Brienne, who knocked his sword out of his hands in a matter of moments.

In the meantime, Princess Arya and Ser Sandor had drawn their own swords and begun to exchange blows. It was a _very_ peculiar style that Princess Arya used, Alys confided – very different from the other lads, it rather resembled a dance. In any case, Lady Arya was quite adept at avoiding Ser Sandor’s blows. This appeared to anger him, but not nearly as much as Ser Jaime’s shouts for Princess Arya to ‘SHOW THE BUGGER HOW THE BRAVOS DO IT.’ (Sansa observes that Alys is breathlessly caught up in the story by now and appears to have forgotten her earlier worries about language.) 

At Ser Jaime’s words, both Ser Sandor and Princess Arya advanced upon him, and he was seen to laugh but also pale _rather a lot_. Lady Brienne attempted to intervene by subtly stealing Princess Arya’s sword from behind her, but her efforts were wasted when Princess Arya shouted a distraction to her and the sword was further stolen by Ser Sandor. Ser Jaime was forgotten, and Ser Sandor held the sword above his head whilst Princess Arya asked if ‘YOUR MOTHER HAD BEDDED A DOG’ in a very loud voice. Lady Brienne insisted that Ser Sandor give Princess Arya back her sword, but Ser Jaime was quick to hush her and once again loudly called for bets to the crowd of onlookers. Realising that Ser Sandor would not give her the sword, and ignoring Lady Brienne’s pleas for peace, Princess Arya proceeded to kick Ser Sandor “in his – well, his _manhood_ , your grace!” 

At this, Ser Sandor fell to the ground and Princess Arya retrieved her sword. However, before she could yet again attempt to fight Ser Sandor, Ser Jaime was seen to scoop the princess up from behind and yell that he had ‘captured the she-wolf!’ Lady Brienne reluctantly took Princess Arya’s sword from her so that she could not hurt anyone else, and Ser Sandor, “crying like a _babe,_ your grace,” stood and was about to advance upon them, “and that’s when you arrived, your grace, and the young lads down at the training yard were most impressed with your performance in taking them to heel, if you don’t mind my saying so!”

Sansa has taken Alys to a private room to hear her story, and she rubs the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming upon her. She looks up and puts on her kindest smile for her young handmaiden. “Thank you, Alys, you may go back to your duties.” She scurries off, and Sansa sits back in her chair and sighs.

She considers publicly scolding them, but that would seem a little too much like she thought of them as naughty children. _Which I wouldn’t, if they didn’t act like it._ Then again, dragging them back to the Great Hall by their ears might have been humiliation enough. She smiles and finds herself almost wishing she’d been there to witness it. _Just like a tourney, only with the added benefit of scaring them all out of their wits just by being there._ That may actually be her answer – if she’s there, the men down in the training yard will consider her a friend, and her queensguard won’t murder each other either.

Having come up with a plan, she stands and walks back to the Great Hall, where her queensguard is still waiting for her. As soon as she enters, they all begin to babble again about who did what, but she silences them with the wave of a hand.

“Alys informs me that the brawl that took place at the training yard today was the fault of no one person in particular. Therefore, none of you shall face punishment.” They don’t respond except to look at their shoes. “However,” she continues, and they all wince, “I shall be in attendance every morning for your practise from now on.” She can see dismay on all their faces except Brienne, who looks almost relieved. 

Sansa thinks it is a neat plan that she has come up with. The next day, she learns that having a training yard full of young boys overeager to earn her favour is more tiresome than she could have expected – but her queensguard work quietly and diligently, never raising their voices at all.

After that, there is no more brawling. Sansa learns that Arya has offered to teach Brienne water dancing, who in turn has invited Jaime to learn, saying it might be easier to learn to dodge a blow than fight it off with a weaker hand. Even Sandor has begrudgingly begun to watch their lessons (though Sansa had to make sure that Ayra did not shoo him away). 

Overall, Sansa judges her queensguard to have found a strange sort of harmony. She doesn’t want to take the credit, of course – she could not swing a sword to save a life – but she does feel a strange sort of pride in watching them work, and privately congratulates herself on the skill of what she considers the best queensguard she could ever have the fortune to have around her.

**Author's Note:**

> Psst: Look at Ines' art [here](http://sansaofhousestark-archive.tumblr.com/post/48844733307).


End file.
